Why do i suck at expression, responsibility, consideration of others, sticking up for myself, etc...?

basically why do i suck at life? i mean i understand there is a lot to learn and a lot to do, but i never seem to learn or do it. i suck at concentrating, memorizing, organization, preparation, staying in touch, keeping promises, etc. the list keeps going and i will probably continue the list in a bit. but i cant take it anymore. never thought about suicide or any of that bullsh** but i would really be happy if i got back on track with myself. i really love this girl my family and best friends. they dont know it because i suck at showing it. i make all these promises about new life choices but my life goes further down the drain it seems when i talk about changing and redirecting/directing my life. i just want to be a better person. i wish i was outgoing, philosophical, cool, calm, collected, intelligent, funny, energetic, happy and never ever again depressed, and all that shi** just like it used to be. I AM A 21 YEAR OLD MALE AFRICAN AMERICAN (which race has no meaning at all-just more of that level of society bullshit is what race is) I DID NOT GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL RECEIVED MY GED PLANNING TO TAKE COLLEGE IN JULY ONLINE, I WANT TO MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE BECAUSE ITS ABOUT THAT TIME, I WANT THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS IN MY ARMS AGAIN, I WANT TO KNOW IF MY TESTES ARE PRODUCING ENOUGH TESTOSTERONE, I WANT TO KNOW WHY IM ALWAYS SO TIRED, I WILL ALSO PARTICIPATE IN THE ANSWERS OF THIS BLOG FOR I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION, SHOULD I SEE A THERAPIST? I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL ANSWERS, I USED TO NEVER BE THIS PERSON I AM TODAY, BUT I NEVER REALLY WAS OUTGOING YOUNG MALE "SPITTIN G" AT THE YOUNG LADIES, IVE ALWAYS BEEN MORE FOCUSED ON SUCCESS, HELPING MY FAMILY, AND SETTING LIFE STRAIGHT, SEX AINT NUTHING BUT A THANG UNLESS YOU GOT "HER"... THATS WHY PALMELA HAS BEEN MY FRIEND. ALL JOKES ASIDE SOMEONE PLEASE HELPPPP.